Girlfriend Translation Guide


Men often say women are con­fus­ing. Well, maybe some­times. Ok, most of the times! I didn’t make this. I saw this some­where and thought it was fun­ny. Here’s a guide that would help decode the most dif­fi­cult lan­guage of all.

Seem­ing­ly Inno­cent Phras­es

Trans­la­tion: I’m giv­ing you a chance to rethink what you just said.

Got it.
Trans­la­tion: I heard you now shup up.

Trans­la­tion: The true F word. Not even on the same plan­et as fine.

Trans­la­tion: It’s beneath us to type the F word but not beneath us to imply it.

Trans­la­tion: Yes (insert rolling eyes emoti­con).

Trans­la­tion: The only thing I’m admir­ing is what a phe­nom­e­nal turd you are.

Trans­la­tion: Could be okay, could be no-kay.

Trans­la­tion: Def­i­nite­ly not okay!

Trans­la­tion: Decap­i­tal­ized, just like how I want to decap­i­tal­ize your head.

Trans­la­tion: I can’t even…just…no words

Trans­la­tion: Mind­less­ly upset. Or I sat on my phone.

No reply
Trans­la­tion: I’m silent­ly plot­ting your demise. No good killer pub­lish­es her mur­der plans.
says: We need
means: I want

says: It‘s your deci­sion
means: The cor­rect deci­sion should be obvi­ous.

says: Do what you want
means: You‘ll pay for this lat­er

says: We need to talk
means: I need to com­plain

says: Sure… go ahead
means: I don‘t want you to

says: I‘m not upset
means: Of course I‘m upset you moron!

says: Am I fat?
means: Tell me I‘m beau­ti­ful.

says: You have to learn to com­mu­ni­cate.
means: Just agree with me.

says: Are you lis­ten­ing to me?
means: [Too late, your doomed.]

says: I‘m sor­ry
means: You‘ll be sor­ry

says: I‘m not yelling!
means: Yes I am! I think this is impor­tant!


Tricky Yes or No Answers

says: Yes
means: No

says: No
means: No

says: Maybe
means: No

In response to the ques­tion “What‘s wrong?”

says: The same old thing.
means: Noth­ing.

says: Noth­ing.
means: Every­thing.

says: Noth­ing, real­ly.
means: It‘s just that you‘re an idiot.

says: I don‘t want to talk about it anymore/Change top­ic.
means: I‘m still build­ing up steam.


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