Dating the Unhinged: Online Dating Horror Stories

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The Soul Mate

Last year, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years. When most people break up, it’s either they’ve fallen out of love or someone cheated. It wasn’t the case for us — we were still in love when we decided to call it quits. After the break up, I became a hermit who occasionally bathed, turned off Facebook, glared at anyone who looked at me, quit my freelancing jobs, and had an intimate relationship with 3 men — Jack, Johnnie and Jose.

That vicious cycle continued for 3 months. On Thanksgiving 2016, I bumped my head and declared “I’ve had enough of this!” I quit drinking, activated my Facebook, and rejoined humanity by getting reacquainted with the shower. I decided to try online dating. I’ve talked to a lot! Most of them, but not all, think Filipinas are 1) scammers 2) uneducated liars/cheats 3) scammers wait, I said that already. Some wanted to give me money for naked pics (ho-hum), and one wanted to give me camels and jewelry (yes, this really happened). I’m just going to write about the guys who stood out for their notoriety.

Brucezilla

Let’s call him Bruce. He was from the US but of Middle Eastern lineage. A dead ringer for the Sixth Sense actor, he was a suave computer engineer,  empathic, and charming. Though the time zones suck, everything was well and good. We would talk on his way to work, during weekends or when he was in the office.

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I noticed he was very jealous. We would talk about random stuff. When the flow of the conversation went to anything about men, he would react negatively (wagas kung maka react!) One time, we were talking about celebrity crushes. I pointed out that he looked like Bruce Willis. Suddenly, he was up in arms, going about if would I do Bruce Willis or if I meet anyone who looked like him. Huh? A little jealousy is okay, but that was a tad over the top. The words psycho and Norman Bates flashed in my mind. It’s not just that. I hate liars, and I caught him lying. Lie to me and we are just done, no ifs, no buts. Our “relationship” lasted for a month. He was a Scorpio. K bye Brucezilla!

Douche from Down Under

I met him on a different dating site.  He loved my smile. He was from a country near mine. We loved the same things – traveling, golf, photography, and Coldplay. The weird thing though, I wasn’t even physically attracted to him at first. He sort of grew on me, like cancer.

I noticed he had a lot of issues. I would say something and he would misinterpret it. At some point, I thought I was speaking in tongues. “Is something wrong with me, is my English that bad?” I asked myself. We talked about it but still, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. He would whine a lot, about how stupid everyone was around him. It was like they existed to annoy him. His relationships end because there was always something wrong with the women he was with. My gut was screaming red flags, but I was all for giving people chances. We used to daydream about future travels, our life together. Yeah, we developed feelings. After talking online for 5 months, we decided to fly to another country to meet. The rationale behind this was for my passport to get stamped, in preparation my getting a visa for my travel to his home country.

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I was excited, for this was my first trip abroad, and scared, because I didn’t know what to expect. I’d like to think we were happy, until the 4th day. We had a petty argument about something, and I spoke my mind. All of a sudden he wasn’t into me. I’ll spare you all the gory details, but I was left to fend for myself, in a country where I don’t speak the language. I really didn’t know what happened. All I could surmise was his alter, who had a mental age of 6, took over. So girls, always have a plan B to Z. He was also a Scorpio. I thought us Virgos are unhinged, but Scorpios take the cake! If you are reading this, I stand by what I said before I left — you were a colossal waste of time.

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