Hello Wall, It’s Me, Jen!

 

brick

Virgos are ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication. It didn’t come as a surprise that I never had problems speaking in front of a crowd. I seldom get stage fright. I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind, which may come off as blunt to some. A few brave ones told me I’m tactless. I’ve never mastered the art of diplomacy, where you could tell people to go to hell in a way that they’d be looking forward to the trip. But it didn’t offend me because I was just being honest, and didn’t mean any harm. I’ve made peace that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m more like a shot of tequila anyway.

For the life of me, I don’t understand why people can’t be straightforward at all. It’s like a metastasizing mind worm that I can’t figure out. I try to see it from their point of view. There are only 2 logical conclusions I can think of: 1) they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, 2) they are lying/or withholding information. Some would pussyfoot, or just flat out ignore you, which is rude. I know I’m a lot of things but never rude if I can help it.

I don’t demand everyone to be forthright. The hell I care if most people don’t level with me. But the sad thing is, it is usually the people I care about that aren’t up front. I’m starting to question if I’m the one in the wrong here. Am I difficult to talk to? Is something wrong with how I communicate? Am I scary that they’re afraid to talk to me? Do I seem fragile that they think I can’t handle whatever it is they wanted to say? Do you want me to stop caring?

Love makes me do funny and stupid things. I’m all for giving people I love chances. I’ve given chances to people who don’t deserve it. But I don’t have a wellspring of patience. It has never been my strongest suit. I try to be patient most of the time, especially with kids and animals. However, grown-up turds don’t count. Do not mistake my affection for weakness, my silence for ignorance.

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You can hurt me because I let you. But I have the power to take my blinders off. I just know when I’m done. I have this internal switch that goes off and that’s it. Don’t make it easy for me to walk away. When I still want to talk to you, that means I care about you, I don’t want you to wonder what’s on my mind. Us matter to me, you matter. The minute I stop talking is when I cease to care. I’d rather be hurt by the truth than be cuddled by pretense. One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to cause harm. The absence of empathy is enough.

 

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